1. |
The Red Door
02:19
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|
the red door
has opened my eyes before
and i'm confounded by its beauty
when i'm struck by guilt
the taller it builds
and it opens its arms to me warmly
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2. |
Milwaukee
02:13
|
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|
take me out
to
Milwaukee
numb the doubt
living
inside me
nobody’s gotta know
but you and me
(x2)
talk to me
and i will listen
what do you think
that we’ve been missing?
break my heart
and i will be yours
break my heart
and i will eat yours
nobody’s gotta know
but you and me
(x2)
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3. |
Penis on Fire
04:08
|
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|
i was made in a test tube
an excess of wealth
brought me into this world
and it will take me out
i don’t dream anymore
something broke in my head
i’d believe if you’d say
i haven’t slept since then
i was epic and high
with a penis on fire
and three lovers for one
was the god of desire
and i know that you thought
i was heaven and hell
did you actually think
that i hated myself?
soaked in honey and milk baths
the sparkling wine
ran in rivers and floods
to drown out my insides
i’m the prodigy kid
i’m the one who will save us
please just say that our hands
that they never betray us
i’m afraid to die
i’m scared of my shadow
i’m terrified that
something waits down below
for my spirit to sink
for my soul to descend
did you actually think
that we could be friends?
and i’m sorry i’m sorry
i’m sorry i am
i still love you the way
that i loved you back then
and i try and i try
but i don’t try enough
and my dad, oh my dad
never liked me that much
i’m scared and i’m scared
oh my baby, i’m scared
could i pay you to keep me
in mind in your prayers?
while i’m drenched and i’m clenched
in the devil’s hard fist
could i ask you to forget
i ever said this?
beat me up
meet me down
at the lake where we swam
how many years now
has it been since we ran
down the hill toward the water
and i held your hand
and we promised each other
no, never again
would we hurt, would we hurt
where are those people now?
and just who’s in the mirror
can you tell me how
i can fix what i’ve broken
the teeth in my mouth
and the words that i’ve spoken
just keep falling out
i was epic and high
with a penis on fire
i was epic and high
with a penis on fire
i was epic and high
with a penis on fire
epic and high
penis on fire
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4. |
||||
|
poor little bug
with your brain undone
the edibles you took
made you forget your lungs
and they heave in your chest
an unwelcome guest
an unwelcome reminder
of imminent death
pinned to the tile
with candy in your bile
stare at the mirror
find no comfort in your smile
just look at your hands
don’t look at the door
your heartbeat receding
cant take anymore
an unfortunate fading
because god needs to feed
the first person on earth
to die from your weed
there is change in the air
cant find what you need
the last person on earth
to die from your weed
so rest in peace
don’t need to fear
your nerves will soon perish
along with your tears
so write your goodbyes
on crumpled toilet paper
i’ll think of you again
because you are my neighbor
because you are my neighbor
i’ll light you a candle
for each day that flows
i’ll smoke you a bowl
an unfortunate fading
because the devil’s in need
of souls who are tossing
and turning in their sleep
the first person on earth to sharpen your teeth
the first person on earth to die from your weed
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5. |
||||
|
Douglass, Mary, Joseph, Paul
Saint Splenda, Sugar in the Raw
I’ll take the train down to your house
And so will sleep there on your couch
And you will be awake for days
And we will talk about nothing
And I will make you scrambled eggs
Together, we’ll drink coffee
Climbing up Mount Everest
There’s warrants out for our arrest
But we are happy as two clams
To be two lovers on the lam
And I am cutting onions so
If you start crying then you know
That I will hold you in my arms
And I will keep you safe from harm
And deep inside your spice drawer
I have kept some very nice things for
The next time that you’re feeling sad
I’ll say “here, now, I hope you’re not as sad”
Peter, Paul and Mary, Doug
Well, look at how deep this hole goes
I hope they fix us up real quick
You hope the doctors fix your nose
I hope I see you in my dreams
You hope to see me in your dreams
I hope you like me just as much
As I have come to like you, Doug
Inter trading Pokémon
These cards will soon be worth a lot
After we open our time capsule
Can’t believe the luck we’ve got
And then we’ll win the Power Ball
And then we’ll drive three states over
And find ourselves a pretty mall
And have a hostile takeover
And Jesus, man, I love you Doug
Jesus, man, I love you Doug
And someday you will have a bed
And you won’t sleep inside the woods
And you won’t eat out of the trash
And you won’t stand outside the gas station
And ask people for cash
And we will live inside the mall
And we will live inside the mall
And Jesus, Joseph, Mary, Paul
Splenda sweetener sugar haul
And sugar rush and Candy Crush
And please just hold my hand, Doug
Please just hold my hand, Doug
|
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6. |
I'll Remember This
03:32
|
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|
hide away with me, i’ve built a safer place for us
a memorial of beer cans slouching, drained, and crushed
a burial at sea into a frothing ocean, red as wine
i spilled across the carpet and i spilled across my mind
but i need you like the devil needs pestilence and war
i’ll let you touch my heart even if it leaves my ribcage sore
hide away with me from guilt, responsibilities
don’t have to haunt us anymore if we just crush a few of these
and be reborn with shaking knees, brand new and unaffected
why should it matter who we are, and what we’ve done, and who we’ve slept with?
but i need you like the devil needs pestilence and war
i’ll let you touch my heart even if it leaves my ribcage sore
and i breathe you like a smoker sucking on a cigarette
i see you in brilliant colors that are not discovered yet
and i need you like the metal that i taste when we kiss
i’ll make you pretty promises like “of course, i’ll remember this”
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7. |
Normandy
02:32
|
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|
your eyes are so clear
i think i can see your brain
wish i could comb out the fissures
help you start thinking straight
six creamers in your coffee
and it spills when you shake
ten packets of splenda
but can you stay awake?
you’re not in those woods anymore
so don’t worry
you’re not useful to us anymore
so don’t worry
your wife is not here
she’s up at gardens of faith
but i can throw out all those tissues
you’ve got bunched up on your plate
and i’m going to harvard
come the fall or the spring
i move your mouth with my fingers
to say you’re proud of me
but at night how you scream
but at night how you scream
you’re not in those woods anymore
so don’t worry
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8. |
||||
|
in the garden
in the garden
that’s where i saw him
there are snakes here
there’s so many sinners
watch them writhe here,
see how they slither
keeps our minds clear
keep our little heads down
is there one here?
will we ever find out?
can i touch him right now?
could i touch him right now?
if i fix this somehow
would he ever find out?
if i touch him right now
if i touch him right now
if i fix this somehow
would he ever find out?
in the garden
in the garden
that’s where i saw him
(x2)
kneeling down on all fours
could he ever be yours
so docile and pure
with his hands in the dirt
would he touch me again
would he touch me again
if he knew what i did
would i choke on his spit
his hand may reach out
could i fix this somehow
but the kingdom above
would frown on our love
it would bash us to bits
to be eaten by doves
to be mauled by a savior
and eaten by saints
and they’ll smite us to dust
till we’re nothing but stains
in the grass where we fucked
could we repent enough?
fifty thousand hail marys
won’t sanitize us
you’ve got nothing but trust
i’ve got nothing but pain
i belong in the mud
i belong to the snakes
of the garden
oh the garden
that’s where i saw him
in the garden
in the garden
that’s where i saw him
in the garden (x?)
|
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9. |
Flophouse Interlude
05:33
|
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|
private office
private hell
he just keeps playing with himself
and twisting pens into his palms
he likes the way the ink leaves marks
on private places
private cell
it’s waiting for him, not long now
they’re fishing things up from the past
he’s seen the way the ink leaves marks
genuine italian leather
cuban cigars
private limo
silver cuffs
and could it ever be enough?
he could buy and sell you fifty times
and that is just the start
with private parties
private looks
let’s put this quarter in the books
there’s just no problem we can’t solve
with a little bit of heart
and genuine italian leather
with cuban cigars
school system blues
rinse it off in the pool
heard your son’s on the ropes
saw your boy on the news
flophouse interlude
with a couple friends, too
none of them are anybody
but they all sure seem to know you
private battles
in his head
private bottles
by the bed
private motives
you can’t guess
private pictures
in the desk
private cars
with tinted glass
fishing up
things from his past
private parties
overkill
“i’ll fucking cut you
from my will”
with pen and paper
private office
i like the way the ink leaves marks
pen and paper
private office
private panic private cars
pen and paper
private office
smoking cuban cigars
|
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10. |
Your Heroes for Ghosts
03:31
|
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|
he can’t pull me out of the house
i think he kinda likes to keep me down
a dog pulled tight on its leash
with his arm curled around me
as he sleeps
we’re meant to be hidden away
we’re meant to be hidden away
after all
what would your dad say?
he talks at me like i’m still a kid
picking at the scabs on my lower lip
but with the water stained ceilings that we face
how am i supposed to know that they won’t cave
the next time it rains
we’re meant to be hidden away
we’re meant to be hidden away
am i really meant to be hidden away?
so we travel like ghosts
on the palms of our hands
the gravel digs deep
not more than you’ll withstand
and the light won’t come in
with the windows boarded up
and i’m not strong enough
to pull the nails up
and i wish my mom was still my mom
that she would put an end to it all
|
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11. |
Nate, Nathan, Please
04:48
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|
baby take it easy
nate, oh nathan nathan please
just take a seat and we can fix this
right? just keep your eyes on me
and breathe in intervals of seven
all this thick and humid air
and i’ll tell you about heaven
and braid flowers in your hair
and you’re so angry, mad again
just what goes on inside your head?
if i could do just one thing for you
i would finally let the world end
maybe we’re too easy
and that’s why we’re in such pain
if you can put it in your body, you can put it in your veins
it’s so convenient to rely on things that only get you high
just long enough to feel important, then they make you wanna die
so baby take it easy
nate, oh nathan nathan please me
i’m not freaking out or crying
i’m just counting all my teeth, see
i do care, despite the rumors
see you’re really all i have
and i wish i’d met you sooner
but i’d never tell you that
am i important?
do you think so?
can you really say you think so?
but don’t ask me the same question
i don’t think you’d wanna know
what i think when i look at you
what i feel inside my bones
so come on, baby, take it easy
you are here you are my own
i would carry you to safety
if i only had the strength
i would put you on my back
if i could only trust my legs
and i would patch you up in places
where the needles burrow down
and the singing of our heartbeats
it could be the only sound
but there are ambulances, sirens
and your city is repulsed
and you’re saying “you won’t like it
you can’t put it up your nose”
and then you’re laughing like your mother
and you look just like your dad
and you don’t want to end up like her
lonely, angry, sick and sad
so nathan, nathan, nate believe me
when i say what i’ve been through
just to be here and still breathing
in the tall grass next to you
as the sunset is receding
sky is beaten black and blue
your lake water lungs are heaving
nate, they breathe only for you
and yet you’re angry, mad again
stare at the ceiling from your bed
and wonder what you did to warrant
such a chain of such events
and did you think that we were friends?
that we could actually be friends?
if i could do just one thing for you
i would finally let the world end
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12. |
||||
|
i want you to praise me
how you do with your god
and isn’t it amazing
to believe in anything at all
don’t need you to kiss me
to figure out that you’re soft
and don’t you feel so nervous
knowing he’s watching it all
he’ll watch when you lay your head in the pits of my stomach
like fiery hell will erupt and make sure that you pay for your sins, one hand laid on the bible
and one on my leg while we drive to chicago
and wouldn’t you be mortified
if anyone else died
for you
i need you to feel me
not just under my clothes
hidden under the doorways
where no one else cares to go
and shouldn’t i be special
and shouldn’t it feel wrong
i’m scared to sit next to you
when your moms got her sunday best on
won’t she know you put your head in the space between my legs
no amount of “our fathers” are enough to pay for it
and you’ll put your hands over my eyes when you touch me
the tips of your fingers so fragile and holy
with one of them over the king james edition
we can drive them insane if you’d only just let it
and shouldn’t i be special
and shouldn’t it feel wrong
and shouldn’t i be special
and shouldn’t it feel wrong
and am i not special
and is it so wrong
to ask that you’ll kill me
the second things can go wrong
and shouldn’t i be special
your one and your only
but nothing is special
like church hymns are holy
calling out to you now
like a beacon, a porch light
and please won’t you praise me
like i thought that you might
and wouldn’t you be mortified
|
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13. |
A/S/L?
03:17
|
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|
my eyes are dry
but my head is clear
i’m a passive bystander
to the passage of years
i’m a boulder, still in place
as the world turns beneath me
i don’t have a name or face
tell me that you need me
in the dark, i’m in the dark
but that’s not where i was made to be
i’ve got a heart, i’ve got a heart
is that not what you’d expect from me?
i’ve never lied
i am dying here
spraying lysol, lighting candles
to hide the stink of my fears
oh my shoulders, oh my legs
and the ache is only growing
i don’t have a name or face
tell me that you know me
in the dark, i’m in the dark
but that’s not where i was made to be
i’ve got a heart, i’ve got a heart
is that not what you’d expect from me?
x2
it’s not cute anymore
is this not cute anymore?
i’ve outgrown all my excuses
please, baby, just chat me back
i am glued to the floor
i am covered with sores
do you think i’m fucking useless?
just like both my parents said
it’s not cute anymore
am i not cute anymore?
all torn up and all in pieces
oh my keyboard, oh my head
i love you, i’m so sure
i love you, i’m so sure
do you think i’m fucking stupid?
please, my lover, chat me back
|
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14. |
A Catalyst
04:03
|
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|
don’t speak of motives
i don’t think you know what it is
you’re talking about
poor boy, unsightly
it’s all just to spite me now
isn’t it?
so what if i was just an image?
your portrait of young suburban privilege
don’t tell me to pray when you’re not kneeling
please tell me what it is you think you’re healing
oh how they’ll gossip
we can't have wrong opinions
with blood on the carpet
i can’t say your hands were innocent
and the curtains stay drawn still
and i swallow down your sleeping pills
if nothing else
they bring me closer to you
bourbon glasses, stained white teeth
and sharp precision, satin sheets
with red wine and cheap calories
i hope no one remembers me
i hope this mansion starts to rot
graffitied over, bulldozed lot
i wish i could forget i knew
all the things i learned from you
what if i was just a catalyst?
for your embedded codes, misinformation
lowered voices, i can hear them screaming
please tell me what it is you think you’re healing
|
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15. |
Runaway Blues
03:16
|
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|
my babydoll
in overalls
stares at herself
walks to the mall
i know that she’s
too good for me
with long dark hair
and straight white teeth
but baby would you lie to me
tell me now
would you lie?
she only smokes
when she gets bored
three packs of camels
til she’s bored
and if i don’t
tread carefully
she’ll get pissed off
she’ll probably leave
but baby would you lie to me
tell me now
would you lie?
now baby would you fight for me?
tell me now
you won’t leave
and if she should be cold to me
i’ll know that she’s not mine
i’ll have my doubts
i’ll have my doubts
but she can be so unkind
and if she should be cold to me
my judgment was unsure
i’ve gambled all my life on you
and i’m screaming my runway blues
and i’m screaming my runway blues
i’m screaming my runway blues
|
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16. |
Scenes from the Rapture
03:29
|
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|
birthday cake candles, don't sing me that song
I'll be stiff, gray and buried before all that long
but when am I getting married? you ask me again
can't spend your whole life getting drunk with your friends
and satan's probably laughing and holding his head
as his eyes fill with tears, he's regressing again
and he's stuck in a cycle of bad and more bad
and he's stuck in the shadow of Christ and his dad
"don't you see how hard I work? I'm trying my best"
he says to his lonely hot chambers of death
and if hell freezes over
I'll hold him so tight
and with my very last breath
keep him warm through the night
birthday cake candles, don't string me along
don't you know I'm fragile? I'll take it to heart
too breakable, maybe, I'll grow tougher skin
chain link fence for a ribcage, no one's getting in
and satan is probably half-stoned at his day job
authorizing the build of Uranium bombs
and sharpening knives, putting triggers on guns
and designing a rocket to blink out the sun
don't you see how hard he works? he's trying his best
then goes home to his lonely hot chambers of death
and if hell freezes over
I'll bring him a slice
of my birthday cake
maybe we'll live through the night
|
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17. |
I Will Eat Your World
08:07
|
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|
“let’s never have kids”
i will bleed this world dry
Prosecco rivers
run red from its eyes
“let’s never pretend”
you said right to my face
i don’t even believe
that i know your real name
congestive heart bleeding
there are no hard feelings
our souls are connected
and i’ve got a feeling
if hell ever freezes
then we will get married
venereal diseases
the crosses we carry
floors polished to mirrors
so we reflect clearer
when we fuck in the foyer
or fuck on the stairs
or fuck in the laundry room
fuck in the tub
we’ll die when we’re ready
once we’ve fucked enough
i’m not inferior
never felt small
fine leather interior
cant feel at all
i’m not self conscious
i’m really just hungry
i’ll eat them alive
i’m just really hungry
“do you even exist?”
are you ever not high?
i expected a problem
mouth split open wide
“do you even exist?”
if you do, do you like it?
because me, myself,
i am still undecided
congestive heart bleeding
there are no hard feelings
our souls are connected
and i’ve got a feeling
if hell ever freezes
then we will get married
venereal diseases
the crosses we carry
arrested in memphis
and i’m so embarrassed
our story lacks meaning
our writers are careless
and what about jesus?
what about virgin Mary?
they died to appease us
the crosses they carried
rectified your misdeeds
testified against me
the heart in your chest
and the ache in your head beat
in hypnotic rhythm
your hands and your knuckles
your red veins and blue veins
the holes in your feet
and i will eat your boyfriend
i’m fucking freaking out
no quantity or measurement
of you could calm me down
and i will be your boyfriend
and it will be alright
i’ll be there for you the same way that
the stars come out at night
i will eat your boyfriend
and i will be your girl
and he will grow me big and strong
then i will eat your world
|
||||
18. |
||||
|
you’re skinny
diluted by cocaine
deluded and mumbling
looking for an ashtray
there’s one in the bathroom
right under the window
she remembers she saw it
maybe an hour ago
and if i don’t believe her
she might bite off my finger
she used to love me
when we were strangers and sticky
i’m pretty
but not the way i’d like to be
the mind and the body
work not for or against me
we’re here in your bedroom
talking about nothing
used to sit by the chimney
maybe talk about something
wonder if we stayed married
what kind of life that would give me
kissing under the window
we were just kids though
did we ever notice
that there was a difference
between living and comfort
between loving and lovers
with blank conversation
i’m sucking my breath in
between wiping your eyelids
between here and long island
you’re skinny
more frail than you should be
i hope you start eating
i hope you get clean
i hope this is the right thing
to let go of the meaning
no words are as holy
as i wish you’d start eating
with blank conversation
i’m sucking my breath in
between wiping your eyelids
between here and long island
|
||||
19. |
His Final Revenge
04:30
|
|||
|
if bodies are like houses
then i need to know where mold sets in
hidden where the guests won’t find
inside the bedroom, in my mind
if bodies are like temples
then is there space for me despite my sins
would i invite someone else in
to fog the windows, the rest is up to Him
if bodies are just what they are
no new revisions, nothing more
if ceilings cracked makes no difference
what choice is there but to live in it?
i did not know the name he called
pipes are busting, the will of god
and sleeping pills, the heater off
and guilty pleasures, golden cross
and healing through His guided voice
and don’t you know you have a choice
to fix what’s broken, hide the rest
and don’t you know he loves to test
and reading through the sacred texts
all exorcisms, house arrest
i did not know the name he called
it’s his final revenge, the will of god
if bodies are just what they are
if bodies are just what they are
if bodies are just what they are
what choice is there but to live with it?
|
||||
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