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Nothing Is Fine

by bloody crying twinks

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1.
Swim 02:49
This is a canvas and I will paint it with my words It makes me sad you won’t notice but I wouldn’t either for what it’s worth And I will swim in my t-shirts for the rest of my life And ask lots of questions but never look you in the eyes She said there’s something wrong with me It’ll stay there til I’m older Just pull apart the gap in my teeth And find some comfort in acting bigger But there’s a part of this and me In a confession I couldn’t speak out There’s not a place where I could be Where I wouldn’t blow my brains out But when I hear that song we sang It’ll make me remember why I am this way It was a broken piece of what we needed But I needed to give it away What’s this with regret I will shake it off like a dog I’m finally getting the hang of living but maybe me and god would hit it off And we will swim just for the sake of treading water And then give it up maybe get swept into the current She said there’s no point in anything And I’ll admit I think it over Just pull apart my arms and live In the space I’ve made between them There will always be this place The answer‘s in the question And we will one day see his face And his hands we’ll get to hold them But when I hear that song we sang It’ll make me remember why I am this way It was a broken piece of what we needed But I needed to fuck it away And I never wanted this to end the way we made it We’re best friends and we can’t be two separate people We’re best friends and we can’t be two separate people
2.
Freddie 01:20
3.
Outreach 02:16
Years of time won’t change anything We’re still different people Your hair color did stay the same Though I’d imagined it be more simple We won’t acknowledge the time we’ve lost Instead pick at threads on a sofa Ask if you’ve seen that Stuckey kid much She’ll say he moved this last September And if this is what growing up is I don’t think I wanna do it If this is what growing up is I might as well give up Hey I’m praying for an outreach My god I swear on my life he wants to kill me Plans to die won’t fix our bad habits Just leave them behind in the dirt That’s what they’ll remember about us When they talk of how it hurt And I didn’t know much about your family til they took me as their own My mom will live the most unhappy but at least she’s got more than one son And if this is what growing up is I don’t think I wanna do it If this is what growing up is There’s no point in growing up I think I’ll just stay here I think I’ll just stay stuck I think I’ll just hide out here Til the voices finally stop Hey I’m praying for an outreach My god I swear on my life he wants to hurt me
4.
Jim Morrison 04:36
I am very influenced by celebrities I want hair like Jim Morrison And you can talk about suffering to me I can only feel happiness Teach me how to spell the word necessary A shirt has one collar and two sleeves Teach me how to murder our families A person has one kidney and two teeth I forgot that everything was created by you and not me (x2) I am under the influence of these birch trees I wanna live like Jim Morrison And you can drive your scooter into me Maybe I’ll feel some remorse then I’m realizing that words mean nothing more Than the meanings we give them So maybe “cock sucking stupid bitch” to you Is my “really great kind considerate person” I only wanna die if I die like Jim Morrison Teach me how to spell the word necessary A shirt has one collar and two sleeves Teach me how to murder our families A person has one kidney and two teeth I forgot that everything was created by you and not me (x2) There are patterns everywhere even here Everything repeats itself every couple years We’re on a submarine to the sun 22nd brigade We’re propelled forward by the shitty choices we all made There are problems everywhere even here Everyone repeats themselves every couple years We’re on a submarine Jim Morrison 22nd brigade We’re propelled forward by the people we paid Teach me how to spell the word necessary A shirt has one collar and two sleeves Teach me how to murder our families A person has one kidney and two teeth I forgot that everything was created by you and not me (x2) And not me
5.
Fire Drill 03:22
You’re underneath my kitchen sink And I’m not sure how you got that way I’d reach my hand out to pull you up But you’d never accept the help I’d reach my hand out to pull you up But you’d rather be stuck by yourself I will admit-I am faker A total bitch-my friends would say a coward And I’d agree with them and me There’s a difference between The change we’d like to see So what’s the point-just to get higher I’m sick of love- where’s the real fire I’d let it burn-we would let it burn together And then feel guilty When we don’t feel any better But I am not your son Couldn’t be proud of someone you never loved I’d reach my hand out to pull you up But you’d never accept the help And I’m breaking my arm just to help you out But you’d rather be breaking yourself and I will never be What you want me to be Took a long time to see it But I know now And I can never shake The feeling that you gave to me Took a long time to figure it out But I know that I know now And your reply-it didn’t help me Not reassurance just made me feel lonely And I will quit when i want to When it feels the most convenient Now there’s no point-we could get higher And fade away like dust on a tire Just learn to love-learn to be nicer Or could bleed out We’ve got a whole lot of anger I’d reach my hand out to pull you up But you’d never accept the help I’d reach my hand out to pull you up But you’d rather be stuck by yourself But I am not your son Couldn’t be proud of someone you never loved And I am not your answer Couldn’t be proud of someone who couldn’t do better
6.
Spit 04:11
Phillip Morris wouldn’t love this But if he knew me nowadays I think he’d get it City names that I don’t recognize Pit stops merged with McDonald’s merged with your mother tried And I hate Richmond at this time of day Right lane ends left lane implodes I hate fishing for something to say Right lane ends blistered lymph nodes Are you smiling cuz you’re happy or are you smiling cuz you’re stoned And you OD’d in the corner of the motel balcony Teenagers spit gum on you Teenagers spit gum on me Our parents still have hope for us But they’ll give up when they realize we’re all fucked Pedestrians that I don’t recognize Peach pits rotting sideways rotting all our insides And I hate talking like this kind of way Right answer to the wrong question I hate walking but not getting away Right to think I’ve never left them Are they gonna convince you to stay just tell me where and when And you OD’d in the corner of the motel balcony Teenagers spit gum on you Teenagers spit gum on me Catching another crow in your butterfly net Wedging yourself into the space between my wall and bed Ragged busted toenails all tangled in the carpet I’m gonna be a legend like your mother always wanted And if you spit then you spit If you spit then you spit If you spit then You OD’d in the corner of the motel balcony Teenagers throw rocks at you Teenagers throw rocks at me
7.
Someone’s dehydrated piss in your kitchen sink The kind of night we won’t miss or at least I think There’s clothes on the snow bank A shot glass in your fish tank And I can’t for the life of me remember how I got here You said something here is missing but I can’t really think Maybe our time here is worthless but that's hard to say And so the hours break down into minutes and days Caught the glow from your fish tank And I can’t for the life of me remember why I came back Nothing is fine And nothing is fine And nothing is fine And none of this is fine (x2) But I am not in the structure of this home And I cannot hold it up on my own There are things to say that have never been said There are things to say but they’ll never leave our heads Threw out all my notebooks I threw up the floor cleaner I don’t feel close but I know you’re getting nearer There are bubbles in your brainwaves But I do not feel the same So I don’t want to wake up tomorrow and be civil Maybe I should stick to drinking but it’s hard to stay away From the people who destroy me and it’s much to their dismay That I’m just another lost cause Looking for a savior And I could tell you anything but it won’t fucking change a thing Nothing is fine And nothing is fine And nothing is fine And none of this is fine (x2) But I am not in the structure of this home And I cannot hold it up on my own There are things to say that have never been said There are things to say but they’ll never leave our heads
8.
Lai 01:46
You didn’t invite me to your wedding I didn’t wanna go just know you looked pretty I’ll send you a gift in the mail If you want I’ll make sure it gets there within three hours And I know its hard to be away How much does the distance really change They didn’t invite me to your funeral I would’ve gone but I had to work that night I sent your family flowers after a couple months But I think they’re pretending you’re still alive And what difference does it make You’ve been craving death since high school I’m glad you did something for yourself for a change And I know that it’s not cool or pretty But I’m happy you did something for yourself for a change
9.
I could fuck this whole road up if I wanted Carve my name into the stop signs and the pavement And if I’m a spider you’re a hornet We don’t have a car or a bike - I don’t know if we’ll make it And it’s eleven o’clock so the stores are closing Take my hand give me water don’t expect me to start floating I hope if I can stick my arm out the car window far enough One of these passing streetlights can take my arm clean off And I’m sure it’ll hurt but at least it’ll feel different When my skin, shoe soles and patience are wearing thin And god yeah we could die But wouldn’t that be nice And now my heads against the steering wheel I’m pulling at my seatbelt There’s no hope there’s no salvation here And I’m stuck here by myself My heads against the steering wheel I’m pulling at my seatbelt There’s no hope there’s no salvation here Mom I think I need your help And you can build yourself a new house It won’t make the days feel longer You can jump out of that window Sure as fuck won’t end world hunger It’s a painful kind of living When your backwards in the front seat Or wine drunk on Thanksgiving Driving nails right through your feet
10.
I wanna know what it’s like To live in everybody else’s houses I’ll bring the conversation up Just so you can act like you don’t hear me And my roof is caving in Onto my childhood home I pass it once or twice a year But only when I’m feeling cold I’ll stand outside in the snow Wait for the current owners to kick me off their lawn And I’ll sprint a couple miles to the south I’ll call you up cuz I wanna hear the corners of your mouth And I know I can’t be like this anymore And I assure you I’d rather be somewhere else And I think my mom will wake up at 2am Just to see if she can seize the ghost in this house So I’ll go back to where I belong I’ll go back to where I belong So I’ll go back to where I belong I’ll go back to where I belong
11.
Bigfoot exists I’ve seen him outside many times You knock on my door I’m not home I’m not sure But I swear I hear you breathing halfway across the world Bigfoot exists I’ve seen him walking through my mind You walk though the walls Life is big You are small And I swear I hear you crying halfway out of the door And the ghosts in this house will watch us forever And most a hundred years but we’ll probably die tomorrow We’ll skip ahead a couple months once we figure out time travel Skip to where the darkness ends to where we’re both fully unraveled Bigfoot exists I’ve seen him fifty fucking times I stand by your grave I don’t know I can’t say But I swear I hear you laughing six feet under the ground
12.
And I think you’re hard to please And I know you’re always begging on your knees So don’t go just stay away for a couple days Cuz I need some time and you need some space So I’ll make a place where I can hide That you will never be able to find And I’ll write a thousand different words But I’ll never like them enough to be actually heard And I’m fine But I thought about what it was like To be back there and to see them Drinking chemicals in the kitchen And I’m fine I just thought it’d be nice to take time To make light of our wrongs To take back all those songs And I’m fine So we’ll go away to the city See all the things I promised you we’d see And we’d wait for a bus but just forget it in the end Because you needed love and I needed a friend And I’ll ask about what you want You’ll grab my hand and it put it on your heart Scream feel how loud that thing can go don’t take advantage just because I don’t know Now how much more of a cliché could you be You’re not dark or reckless you’re just afraid And how much more of an excuse do you need I’m not saying that I’m much better but at least I can get And I’m fine But I thought about what it was like To be with you and to see them Supporting every opinion And I’m fine I just thought it’s be nice to take time To make light of my wrongs But you never had wrongs And I’m fine And I’m fine And I loved you And I’m fine (x2) Now how much more of a cliché could you be You’re not dark or reckless you’re just afraid And how much more of an excuse do you need I’m not saying that I’m much better but at least I can get
13.
You jumped off the Prettyboy Dam Left your Mercedes Benz at the top Two fistfuls of grass in your hands Must’ve hurt to hold on for that long You didn’t jump off the higher side And I’ll probably never get why I tell myself you thought you would live I tell myself you only wanted swim You jumped the Prettyboy Dam Came straight from your brand new apartment Said you couldn’t fight so you ran I think I finally get what you meant You didn’t jump you just wanted to fly You didn’t jump you weren’t trying to die I shield my eyes from the pain you were in I tell you myself you only wanted to swim I’ll leave you be if you want If you’d rather be left alone I know the way you are The way you’ve been from the start I’ll let you sleep on your own If you’d rather be left all alone And though your memory is far I know the way that you are You jumped off the Prettyboy Dam In three hundred dollar earrings Didn’t say goodbye to your friends Didn’t tell anyone you’d be leaving And I wish I could’ve been there Could’ve tackled us both to the ground Would’ve held your hands and your hair Could’ve driven back to my house And I wish I could’ve been there Though it probably wouldn’t have mattered It wouldn’t have made the world care About all the people it shatters You didn’t jump you just touched the sky Just wanted to open your eyes And finally see the bad way you’re in I tell myself you only to swim You jumped off the Prettyboy Dam Left your Mercedes Benz at the top You jumped off the Prettyboy Dam Cuz it hurt to hold on for that long

credits

released October 16, 2019

fritter and bee

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bloody crying twinks Baltimore, Maryland

eliza, noah & jake :•)

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